May 3
Spare a tear for the Russian people, too
Thomas Mahon
The world, appropriately, is horrified at the terror inflicted on the Ukrainians as Putin and his oligarchs attempt to wipe the people, the place and even the memory of it off the earth.
But this is not a war of the Russian people against the Ukrainians. It is Putin’s war, from start to finish.
A have a friend in Moscow, a mother in her 40s with a daughter. We have corresponded on Facebook for several years because of common interests. Her notes in recent months have become ever more desperate. And now they scream with terror, rage, and every version of fear and trembling.
For her sake, I can’t give any more specifics, but her situation is like many Russians now. So while we can pray for, and send relief to, the Ukrainians, we can only pray for the Russia people who, through no fault of their own, are now the pariahs of the world.
April 29 — Greeting you, dear Tom. My child has a poor EKG. The epileptic activity of the brain has increased significantly. The medicines are no longer sold in pharmacies. There are no other similar medications.
This morning I called the medical center. Sometimes all my child’s medical documents mysteriously disappeared there, though they should always exist there in electronic form… always and always. Sometimes I heard the answer of ‘an error in the system.’
As you can see, ‘free medicine for children’ is just words. There is no money for a consultation with a doctor. It costs from 5,000 to 20,000 rubles ($70–280).
They did the same to me. I went to the clinic and they very kindly told me to go to hell. Therefore, people like me, must die in the very near future, without basic medicines and medical care.
I realize toward the end of my life that to understand another person, to honor the suffering of others, you must understand life, and the ability to distinguish true values from false ones. To do this, you must suffer yourself.
This path opens your eyes and destroys all ridiculous and stupid manifestations of human nature. In life, I have almost nothing to remember anything good, since childhood there have been so many disappointments and failures. Indeed, a continuous series of troubles, pains, and disappointments.
Therefore, to communicate with you is like a gift of fate for me. But sooner or later you will disappear.
All our airports are closed. Half of one seems to work but it is impossible to get a visa for another country. The planes do not fly there, because the Russian government stole people’s planes (that is, they did not pay the rental). Therefore, it is forbidden to land at international airports outside the country.
It seems that all embassies have been evacuated. I have absolutely no money, no job, no chance of getting a job, because even strong and healthy men have no chance of finding even those primitive physical jobs.
Therefore, I have practically no chance to go out and save my child and enter the civilized world.
I’m trying to get back to my computer. Some programs no longer work but some keep working for me. This is an opportunity to calm down at least for a while and have at least some pleasures if possible.
I have nowhere to hide from the horrors of the world around me, except in the computer, when there is no hope for life without medicine, without money, without sedatives it is impossible.
For me, creativity is probably the only way to come down but I get very sick and have many problems at home so it’s rarely possible to sit at the computer. Illness and difficulties exhaust me every day. ###
April 30 — I can’t take it anymore. I feel bad again, there is no medicine no medical care, no hope, again it hurts a lot and I have a temperature.
The whole world his turned its back on Russia and despises it. Even children from other countries write nasty things to my child. Children are also victims of propaganda, only from the other side.
Quite rightly because I know what is happening. I live all my life among vile creatures, without conscience and honor. I have lived a life where thieves, murderers, thugs, killers, rapists, perverts, slackers, and parasites thrive amid flourishing stupidity and lies.
Since childhood I have suffered and struggled for existence with all my might. I never supported the power of a criminal oligarch; I never fell into stupid blind heresies of blind obedience and delight in front of false propaganda. Now, just because I was born here, I must perish — despised, and hated by all. For what?
Am I the Christ, to accept suffering undeservedly, just to rid the planet of aggressive shit? My child is not to blame. Why do I have to see such torment every day?
I don’t want to live. I want to die. I wanted to live as a human being, but that right has been taken away from me.
May 2 — I am terribly scared, so I can imagine anything. I am like a person riding a train that is about to fall into the abyss.
By the way if I disappear for a long time, it could also mean that our Internet was cut off forever. I am sure that the authorities will take any measure.
I am afraid for the future….
© 2022 Thomas Mahon
920 words
